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Is Abortion Better?

As a pregnant teen, you may feel overwhelmed with all of the information that you’re getting on what your options are. Obviously, adoption and parenting are things to think about, but it seems that a lot of young girls turn to the other option when faced with unplanned pregnancy - abortion.

Abortion is the process by which a newly conceived fetus is euthanized and removed from the mother’s womb. Pro Life activists refer to this fetus as a life, while Pro Choice activists call it a product of conception. Either way you look at it, abortion can have long lasting, potentially harmful, effects on a woman’s mind and, in some cases, her body. One woman recently shared her story with me. She is now in her 30s with children, but at one time, she was 16 and pregnant. She chose abortion.

“I was sixteen years old, invincible, and in love with a guy named Mike, who made me feel like I was the most important thing in his life. I wasn’t a bad kid, really, but I had been skipping school some to spend the day with him, he was a few years older and had already graduated. We were together for about 4 months when I found out that I was pregnant. He was set to go off to boot camp for the Marines soon and I still had two years of high school to go. I went to the local health department where they did a pregnancy test, and confirmed what I already knew. He was shocked, to say the least, and our relationship immediately began to unravel. I have often wondered, had he been more supportive, would I have made a different choice? I felt very alone, and almost as if I were the only one to blame, despite the fact that he had just as much responsibility in it as I did. He began ignoring my phone calls, stopped coming over, and even when I saw him out in public with friends, he didn’t talk to me. I was an outcast, abandoned by the boy I loved and who I thought had loved me. I think he even started to see someone else. My parents had divorced recently and while I did tell my mom about the pregnancy, I never did tell my father. My mom was really great about the whole thing, though she did make me say the words out loud long after she figured out what was going on in the midst of my uncontrollable sobbing. She said she’d support whatever decision I made, but did express her opinion that motherhood might not be the best option for me at such a young age. After a couple of weeks, I made the decision to end the pregnancy. I wish I hadn’t.”

As a young, pregnant teen, sometimes there is the assumption that abortion will solve the problem and life will resume normally, but that’s not always the case.

“My boyfriend, though he could scarcely be called that by that point, had agreed to pay for the abortion and when he brought the money over, I had my best friend take it from him while I hid in the other room. I couldn’t even bear to look at him, after the cold way that he had treated me the past few weeks. My mom and I left very early one morning and headed to Atlanta for my appointment at the clinic. My mom’s car, which had never given her any trouble, broke down on the way there and for the 100th time, I questioned my decision. We got towed to the shop and my appointment was rescheduled for the next week. I had time to change my mind, but I didn’t. I felt as if I were helplessly being propelled forward on autopilot. The next week, the car didn’t break down and I went through with the procedure. I don’t think that I even really knew what I had done. I just knew I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I was lucky that the abortion didn’t leave any lasting damage, as can sometimes happen, and I did go on to have children later in life. Becoming a mom really made me aware of what I had done and even though it has been almost 20 years, I still think about it often and I am aware each year when Fall comes around that I would have given birth at that time. I wish I could go back and tell that young, frightened girl that it’s okay to not be ready for parenthood, but it doesn’t mean you have to end a life. I wish I could tell her to choose adoption. I wish there had been more information available to her about adoption and that someone would’ve told her she could choose open adoption and not have to miss out on her child’s life. All I can do now is encourage other young girls in the same situation to really consider adoption as the answer and save them the heartache that eventually comes when you make the choice to end a life.”

Adoption is an option that you can feel good about. These days, adoption is accepted as a good choice and the right thing to do. Only you can decide what is right for you, but don’t forget to choose what is right for your baby, too.

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I'm Pregnant: What Should I do Now?

Discovering you’re pregnant as a teen can be a really frightening experience. Take a deep breath and know that you’re not alone. Right this very minute, there are girls just like you in Atlanta, Denver, Los Angeles, and Dallas who are most likely asking themselves the same questions you’re asking yourself now. The most important question is probably, “Now that I’m pregnant, what should I do?”

You may have thoughts, as many pregnant teens do, of keeping your baby. You have this idea in your head that you, your boyfriend, and the baby will live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that isn’t a realistic scenario. The majority of teen boys who father babies, don’t maintain an active role in the child’s life and can’t provide much financial support, if any. In some cases, the stress of an unplanned pregnancy is enough to cause a breakup.

According to chicagohealth77.org., teen mothers have less education, have poor health, and more likely to rely on public assistance. Only about 50% of teen mothers receive a high school diploma by age 22, compare with 90% of girls who do not give birth during adolescence. Births to teenagers are at much higher risk for low both and preterm labor, as well as death in infancy, compared to babies born to women in their 20’s and older.

These are some pretty bleak statistics and ones that should make you think about what the best option might be for you and your baby. Teen motherhood is not something to be taken lightly. There is a lot to consider and one of those options is adoption. Adoption can provide you with a solution that will give your child the life you wish you could provide, but know you can’t. Adoption can even offer you the opportunity to stay in contact with your child and see him or her grow up and have the happy life you chose for your baby.

It’s a confusing time and there are probably a lot of people telling you what you should do. Your parents, the baby’s father, your friends, and everyone else all have an idea of what your next steps should be. Don’t be pressured. Let us help you explore adoption and the many wonderful ways it can be the best solution in the case of your unplanned pregnancy. Your baby deserves the best chance possible at the best life possible. You do, too. Teen pregnancy and single parenting doesn’t have to be your future.

We can help you decide if adoption is the right choice for you. We’re here to answer all of your questions and assist you in coming up with a plan to place your baby with a loving family who will honor you as the birth mother and give your child the life you wish you could.

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Why Adoption?

Why do people choose to adopt? There are various reasons and the majority of them are listed here.
They are the 1 in 8 couples who cannot get pregnant due to infertility They have medical reasons why it would not be safe to carry a child through pregnancy They are single and would love to be a parent They are a gay or lesbian couple who need adoption to become parents They have always loved adoption and prefer it as the way to start or expand their family
Whatever the reason for choosing to adopt, an unplanned pregnancy can be the answer for any one of these and doesn’t have to be viewed as a mistake or something to be terminated. Instead of looking at an unplanned pregnancy as the end of something (your freedom, your education, your goals, a life), look at it as the beginning of something. You can choose to be responsible for giving another person, or couple, the family they have always longed for. The heartache and hopelessness that is felt by these individuals for not being able to create a life is no different than what you may be feeling because you did. You created the life, now it’s time to choose the right family to provide for it. Having an unfulfilled education or not being financially stable doesn’t make you a bad mom. On the contrary, realizing the needs of your child and choosing to provide those to him or her through adoption makes you an amazing mom.

Only those who have chosen adoption, or adopted, can truly understand the amount of love that is involved. That love is made even stronger by the sacrifice, the longing, the emotion, the trust, the bonds that are created, and all of the ingredients that go into this unique recipe for a family. Placing your child for adoption with loving, stable, financially sound parents is a precious gift that only you can give -  not only for the family, but for the child.

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I Had Lunch Sunday With Old Birthmother

I had lunch Sunday with an old birthmother. Not old in years but 26 years ago she placed a baby boy with my help with a loving family here in Los Angeles. She came back to Los Angeles because the adopting mother had passed away and she attended the memorial. We talked about how the adopting parents had helped to redirect her life. She talked about how she never look back with regret but only thought about how this little boy would grow up and have the possibility of a better and greater life then she could've provided him at the time.  She had an open adoption, and kept in touch with the adopting parents and this little boy throughout his 26 years.

I felt honored that she called me to see if I would be willing to meet with her. I jumped at the chance. I'm so glad that I did and had a chance to hug this beautiful selfless woman again after all  these years.

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Why Do I Need an Adoption Attorney?

An adoption attorney is one of the most important people you will meet when going through the adoption process. The process is long and, for someone who has never been through it, can seem complicated at times. Adoption is a big decision, for birth parents and adoptive parents, and it helps to have the knowledge and compassion of a professional who specializes in it. You’re going to have questions - lots of them. Your adoption attorney is there to answer them and set your mind at ease.

The adoption attorney will begin the process by the filing the initial paperwork needed to get started and see it through until the placement is completed. He or she will have a clear understanding of your state’s laws on adoption and can explain them to you in layman’s terms so there is no confusion about what your rights are. Your attorney will be present at any and all proceedings that take place during the adoption process and guide you step by step the entire way. Adoption is an emotional experience and having someone on your side to keep you informed and offer advice is a welcome presence.

When choosing an adoption attorney, be sure that you feel comfortable with him or her. Trust your instincts and take the time to do some research on that person’s qualifications. It is extremely important that you feel confident your attorney understands what you want. Whether you are choosing an open or closed adoption, private or through an agency, your attorney should always respect your choices and listen with the intent to be helpful. If, at any point, you feel you are being pressured to do things differently than you planned, speak up and make your intentions clear. Your adoption attorney is there for you. The right attorney understands the difficult choice you have made and maintains a professional disposition.

Adoption is a beautiful choice, but not always an easy one. The benefits of having an expert with your best interests in mind at your side throughout the process are immeasurable. If adoption is something you’re considering and you have questions, rest assured that an adoption attorney can answer them for you. You don’t have to feel alone in this decision; with an attorney there to guide you, you’re not.

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